Fearless Fox Friday!

Since we are coming up on Mother's Day, I thought I would talk about mothers. The ones we had, the ones we think we had, the ones we wanted, and the ones we are. This idea was not original. Someone else that I follow sent me an email titled something like what What I learned from my mother. This brought a light to my mind of an idea I wanted to share with you on work I have been doing on this subject myself. How this has all affected my journey. Also, what I do as a mother because of my process.

Fearless Fox Friday!

The mother I had growing up and the one I have now are very different. When I was young, my mother's main focus was on looking and being perceived as perfect. I was a reflection of her ability to be a perfect mother. I did not reflect that well, and that caused conflict and a lot of tears on my behalf. Not that I was a bad child, actually I tried very hard to be a good child. Though I was sloppy and not always the sharpest pencil in the box. I tested her a lot and had her prove to me over and over again that I was forgettable and unworthy of her praise. So the lessons I chose to learn from her were that I didn't measure up and I was kind of a disappointment. She is not the only person I tested, but we are only talking about her today. I used all of this evidence throughout my life to play small and construct a negative self-talk dialog of fear that looked and sounded just like her. This record consisted of telling myself that I was stupid, fat and ugly. I was incapable of doing anything praiseworthy, and if I did I shouldn't expect anyone to notice. I used this as an excuse to keep myself from most of my dreams, and I used her as the reason my life was not what I wanted it to be.

After my dad died when I was 16, my mom started to make changes in her life. She sought therapy and asked for help. She did the work to change herself. Did it happen overnight? Oh no, not at all. It has been an ongoing process for her for the last 22 years or so. She now has taught me that someone can change. Someone can learn from their mistakes, and at any age change their behavior dramatically. This is what I have actually learned from my mom. Even from a small girl I have felt that my mom could do anything. She seemed capable of leaping small buildings if she needed to. I still have this opinion of my mom. She has a great confidence in herself. Now though it comes from a place of compassion and self-love.

I think often as children we take lessons away from situations that the adults or even other children involved never intended us to. My challenge is to reassess those stories that we remember from our childhood of disappointment and see if there is another way of looking at them. Did our parent give up on us, or give up on themselves and their ability to parent us effectively? Did that child reject us, or were they dealing with their own pain of a situation we never knew about? Did we not get the part in the school play because we were second best, or did the director really think we would have more fun or were better suited for another role? Whatever you have been holding on to and using as an excuse to play small or think you can't have your dreams, let it go! Let go of the limiting beliefs; let go of perfection; let go of the evidence of you being anything else than amazing; let go of what you thought were the motives of others. Live your life from a clean slate. Learn from my mom. You can change at any age and from any place in your life. Let go of the negative self-talk. Replace it with the truth: you are amazing, you are capable, you are beautiful, you are worthy of your dreams. If you need a voice in your head, use mine. I will tell you every day, You are a Rock Star!

As someone who is trained in helping others overcome their fears, I have worked with people who are wanting to change their choices. My mother has worked hard, and she has changed. I have a very different understanding of who she was when I was young. I see who she is now, and I can appreciate the effort it has taken her. This effort gives me hope to continue in my own effort to become a better mother myself. Each day I try to be better, and I know I can. Every time that I say something that wasn't nice, I know I can apologize. Every time I don't show up the way I want to, I know I can tomorrow. Every time I'm scared and my fear is "in my face," I know that I am capable.

The new voice in my head is a combination of myself and my mom and Rhonda Britten and other people who believe in me. I choose now to believe the good about myself. I choose to build evidence of all the things I'm good at. I choose to believe I am worthy of my dreams and living big. I choose to let go of all the limiting beliefs of my childhood and see myself in my truth. I choose to trust myself and see my capabilities. I choose to love myself. I choose to tell myself the truth. I choose to be a Rock Star!

Are you ready to hatch into a Rock Star? Email me, and let's get started. Let's Hatch!