This week is suicide prevention week. As most of you know my dad committed suicide when I was 15, December 18, 1993. My dad was pretty amazing. He was fun and told inappropriate jokes. He was vain and would do squats with us on his shoulders. At 58 I never saw him with One grey hair. I honestly thought he just didn't grey. Really with 8 daughters and a son? I found the hair dye after he died.
The most amazing thing my dad did was see me. I always felt loved and seen and heard by him. He always had time for me. He always had compassion for whatever situation I found myself in. He not only did this for me but all of us. He also loved my mom, very much. I think he loved everyone, but himself.
His suicide had a great effect on me. That might have been obvious. He made it so, when I hated myself and started listening to the darkness, I can never make the choice he did. Because I will never be able to fully convince myself that my family is better off without me. I know first hand how it felt to be told that my father was dead, and by his own hand. I know the years of pain, years of doubt, years of missed opportunities. This I can never do to someone else. Over the years I have cycled through the emotions. I have tried to focus on the "good things" that came from his decision to take his life. But, no matter how many years pass. I will always want him, always miss him, and always wonder if I could have done something.
So if you are struggling with the darkness? Know you are not alone. Know you are needed, wanted, and greatly loved! Hang on. Reach out. Speak up. Ask for help. You can get pass whatever it is. The darkness is wrong. The darkness lies. The darkness can't win again!
I know the battle is real. We all have scares of some kind to prove it. I am here for you. I will stand by your side. We can be victorious! ♡
3 comments:
Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for coming here and reading this. It's not my first post about him, won't be the last. I'm touched that it has touched so many.
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