Fearless Fox Friday!

This week has been a struggle. It was our first week of summer and adjusting to that, but there has also has been an internal struggle. I have felt lately like I am being forced to hold my tongue. This isn't really true. I am choosing to not speak. I do this in many areas of my life. I am a peacemaker, and for the most part i hold my tongue for peace and in respect of others and their opinions. Today, I will choose to speak to one. I completely respect that not everyone's feelings will be the same, especially my siblings and mother.

Fearless Fox Friday!

Today I choose to speak about my Daddy. My dad was born in 1935, and grew up on a large ranch in the middle of California. He loved horses and wore cowboy boots. My dad had a sparkle in his eye and was easy to laugh and slow to get mad. He was vain, in my opinion, always concerned with being fit and never with a grey hair. Until maybe a year after he died I thought he had just great genes and didn't grey. With being fit, he never went to a gym. He would put me and my siblings on his shoulders and rise and sit on a chair. He was compassionate to everyone. He and my mom could cut a rug (dance), and he would always do really thoughtful things.

I knew that my dad and I had something in common, low self-esteem. I felt like he felt like he could be doing so much more with his job. I knew he loved me and my siblings and mom very much. I knew he had a testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

What I didn't know, and never considered in my 15 year old brain, was that he would and did commit suicide.

The man who saw me, loved me unconditionally, and always made everything better was gone in an instant. I felt abandoned and alone and wanted to join him. These are still feelings that I combat on a regular basis. The world would never be the same.

It's been 22 1/2 years since and I am still affected everyday by his choice. Most days I choose to be positive. Over the years I have been angry, sad, and grateful, sometimes all at once. On this Father's day eve I look back, and ask myself what lessons did I learn.

1. You must love yourself first, or you will lose yourself.
2. Love is real.
3. The gospel of Jesus Christ is true.
4. Thoughts are real and lead to real action. Be careful when the bad thoughts come. Don't let them take away your happiness. 
5. See each day as a Great Day!
6. Love your family unconditionally.
7. Be thoughtful of each other.
8. Laugh.
9. Work hard at whatever you do.
10. Ask for support from the people you love and trust.

Fearless Fox Friday!

Building your tribe is a phrase I have been hearing a lot lately. We call it your fearbuster team at FLI, but I believe it is the same concept. "No one can be fearless alone" Rhonda Britten says, and it's true. Who do you have around you? Who is building you up and seeing your capability?  Who really has your back when the crap hits the fan? These people are your tribe.

Fearless Fox Friday!

Do you have a team of fearbusters behind you? That is the question today. I could go into the different kind of fearbusters to look for, but whether you have some is more important. Maybe I need to start with what is a fearbuster. Fearbusters, bust our fears. Simply put, they believe in us. They tell us "Yes you can" instead of "Are you sure that is wise, remember last time?" They see our potential and encourage us and support us in achieving our dreams. Fearbusters are powerful partners, cheerleaders, and voices of experience who rally us forward towards our true selves. They help us see past the lies and limitations to truly see our own rock star status. On the other hand, "Fear Junkies" discourage us, such as dream drainers, rearview mirrors, or rivals in disguise.

I have lots of supporters in my life. Some are better at it than others. I know who to go to for what and how to know their fears from mine. This was something learned with a lot of practice. How do you know who to go to for certain things? Sometimes you have a conversation with them and ask if they are willing to support you in this way. You really can't say the wrong thing to the right person. If they are your true tribe, they will be there for you when you ask. It is your job to be clear in what you are needing and ask for it.

If you are wanting to add a coach to your fearbuster team, I'm here for you. Email me and let's get together. Let's hatch into the stars that we are!

Fearless Fox Friday!

I talk to you each week about how you can make different choices and see the rock star inside yourself. This week I am going to talk about how I did that for myself.

Fearless Fox Friday!

This week I was asked to come into the locker room of a professional women's soccer team before the game and coach them on fear. At first, I was shocked and stoked for the opportunity. I thought about what I would say to them. What I would do if I got to talk to them more than once. I started to want to know more about the girls and what fears they might have. Then my fear stepped up and told me that this was too big for me and I needed my mom to come with me or I needed to find a way to back out. I told myself I wasn't what the coach wanted and the woman players didn't want me either. In the course of a couple weeks I had told myself a lot of things.

Then the day came, and I knew what I wanted to say roughly, but I still wasn't sure it was going to happen. When I got the call from the coach I was so excited. This was a rock star engagement! I was going to stand in front of these women and share with them a little of my soul. I was going to share with them a new way of thinking about fear and how they could walk past the self-doubt and be the AllStars that they are.

It came time to step in front of them. I was even announced by the coach. They all clapped as I approached my spot. This was it! This was my moment to shine my light for these women to see that all things are possible when they believe in themselves. I stepped up and owned the room. Was I scared? Oh yes! Was my fear trying to get me out of the room? Oh yes. But I stood my ground, and I shared with these amazing women my complete belief in them. They shared some of their fears with me and strategies they were already employing. I mean they are an undefeated professional team, they are pretty good at telling the fear "I've got this, calm down." We talked about the negative self-talk and the doubts that plague us all. I was clear and uplifting, and they clapped when I was finished! It was a major confidence booster and an amazing experience. I for sure felt like a Rock Star.

I tell you this, not to toot my own horn, but to show you that this is a process for all of us. We are all in a state of hatching from our shell and becoming a star. For me, this was a big week of growing,

and other weeks it feels like I am reconstructing my shell. We are all moving along a path that is constructed of choices. Are you willing to make the choices necessary to get you where you want to be? I'm here to support you. Are you wanting to define what kind of a star you want to hatch into? I'm your girl. Do you need someone who completely believes in you and your ability to live your dreams? That is my superpower. Email me at letshatch@gmail.com and we can set up an appointment, and get started. Come be a Rock Star with me!

Fearless Fox Friday!

It took me so long to think of what to share with you this week. I finally decided to share something I learned this week. I am always learning and growing myself. I think that is important for all of us to see and witness. No one is immune to life, regardless of how many tools we have or how long we have been practicing them. If someone is telling you they never deal with fear, I say walk the other way. Even the goddess of fear herself, Rhonda Britten, deals with her fear.

Fearless Fox Friday!

I have been married for almost 15 years. If you follow me on Facebook you will know this. I post lots of pictures and I also have 5 kids which I post lots of pictures of. Now in true Facebook fashion I usually only post the happy moments, but with any relationship, there are moments that are not happy. Jay, my husband, and I were introduced by friends. Having never met we started emailing each other in the beginning of January. In true early 2000 fashion, we got to know each other this way until my birthday in late January when he finally got the nerve to call me. We started having 5 to 6-hour conversations. I would ask him question after question about his family and stories of his life. Of course, I felt like I knew him so well. So it wasn't weird to me at all when he proposed on February 18th after only seeing each other once. I know this sounds crazy and possibly romantic. We were married on July 7th of 2001, 6 months after our first email. Now people have said, "When you know, you know." I guess we could qualify with that, but I think we chose the difficult way. 

After a hard first year of marriage, I would go to my married friends and ask if it was going to get better. They would tell me that the first year is always hard. When it came to year 3 I stopped asking if it was going to get better, because they really didn't know what to say anymore. In year 4 we separated twice, each time for a month. Each time we both chose we wanted to fight for each other, and stay together. The road back was not easy. Year 5 and 6 were still difficult. One time in year 6, I thought "This is it, I'm done." and I cried on the couch for hours. He eventually he came out of our room and told me exactly what I needed to hear, exactly. This has happened about 5 or 6 times in our marriage over the years.

Year 7 was pretty good. We started to actually get our stuff together and take care of each other better. I let go of a lot of expectations and wants I was calling needs. He practiced being a better communicator and got a new job, where he could be home more. Things started improving and we got into a groove. Whenever we felt like we were slipping back, we'd stop and look at the situation. Things continued along this way until last year, when once again we were faced with a serious situation that ended in both of us questioning if we were going to make it. We talked a lot, we still talk a lot. We had to get real honest with each other and be very vulnerable, transparent even. Which is not easy when trust has been strained and we may not have really liked each other in the moment. We did it anyway. We continue to fight, even when we don't know if it will work, we fight for each other and for our family. 

So, the reason I am telling you all of this is because it was brought to my attention, that the fact that we do this is special. For me, I see all the struggle, pain, and work. Others see the result of all that, which is that we are still together. We have a beautiful family, and we are still committed to making our marriage work no matter what. I must say though that it has definitely taken us BOTH wanting to be here and do the work. It would not have worked otherwise. We have been through a lot and we choose every day, sometimes more than once, to be together. It's an active choice, followed up by lots of proactive behaviors, talking, and being willing to do the work necessary. 

Change is not easy, being vulnerable is not easy, talking about the same issue the 30th time is not easy, but if this relationship is what you both want, it can work.

If you would like support with this or anything else, please contact me. Letshatch@gmail.com

Fearless Fox Friday!

This week has been interesting. I've been in New York City with great friends and my mom, leading up to the Pathways to Change Workshop. The workshop starts tomorrow and goes to Sunday. We have done a lot of great things, and some firsts.

Fearless Fox Friday!
In honor of me being at the pathway to change workshop, I will talk about the 8th step on the fearless path, which is possibilities.

Possibilities are what made this adventure to New York happen. My mom is supporting this workshop and with her help I was given the chance to come. I said "Yes!" My friend asked where do you want to go, I stayed open and said "Yes!" To all the options that sounded good to me. I was open and willing to try new things, go places I hadn't gone, and see the adventure.

Because, of my willingness we had lunch on a rooftop in time square, go see the Broadway show Beautiful, and finally go to some food places I've been wanting to go to. We learned how to make live Facebook videos that we shared with you. I feel like I'm ready to shine and share my light more. I'm trusting myself more, and continuing to love myself through everyday. This was all supported by me being willing to step into possibilities.

Where have possibilities taken you? Where can it take you going forward? I have always wanted to travel, but that has been a stepping stone to where it is taking me. Are you ready and willing to step into possibilities? Then Let's Hatch!  Email me at letshatch@gmail.com or comment below or on my Facebook page. Also, if you'd like more information on pathway to change check out my other website www.fearlessgenerations.org. We talk about all 12 steps there and much more.

Fearless Fox Friday!

This week I have had a lot going on. I'm just not sure it's information to be shared here. My goal for this blog is to inspire you, to share a tool, or share a part of my journey with the purpose of supporting you in yours. Today I choose to share the number one tool for me when I first start my fearless journey.

Fearless Fox Friday!
I started my Fearless Living journey about 10 years ago. I started with attending a Fearless Book Group. We read Rhonda's first book, Fearless Living. After a couple months, I knew that I had found my tribe. I started my process to become a certified fearless living coach.

The number one tool I used at the beginning was asking myself "Is this true? Or am I making it up?" I challenged every thought, choice, and action. I'd ask myself, do I really hate fish? I'd ask myself, is green really my favorite color? I'd also ask myself, do I really think I am unintelligent? Do I really love my husband? Am I small and incapable of change? The questions were small and the questions were big. The important part was to ask them. To challenge the things that I had told myself.

Your challenge is to ask yourself this question: Am I making it up, or is it true? Ask yourself this with small things and more importantly big things. Challenge everything that you label yourself with, everything you call yourself, and everything you believe about yourself. I want to know what happens. Please come back and share. What changed, what awarenesses did you have, and where were you willing to let go and change?

If you are wanting support with this or anything else, please email me or comment here. Let's get started on facing those lies, filters, or false beliefs you have about yourself. Let's hatch into the new you!

Fearless Fox Friday!

Since we are coming up on Mother's Day, I thought I would talk about mothers. The ones we had, the ones we think we had, the ones we wanted, and the ones we are. This idea was not original. Someone else that I follow sent me an email titled something like what What I learned from my mother. This brought a light to my mind of an idea I wanted to share with you on work I have been doing on this subject myself. How this has all affected my journey. Also, what I do as a mother because of my process.

Fearless Fox Friday!

The mother I had growing up and the one I have now are very different. When I was young, my mother's main focus was on looking and being perceived as perfect. I was a reflection of her ability to be a perfect mother. I did not reflect that well, and that caused conflict and a lot of tears on my behalf. Not that I was a bad child, actually I tried very hard to be a good child. Though I was sloppy and not always the sharpest pencil in the box. I tested her a lot and had her prove to me over and over again that I was forgettable and unworthy of her praise. So the lessons I chose to learn from her were that I didn't measure up and I was kind of a disappointment. She is not the only person I tested, but we are only talking about her today. I used all of this evidence throughout my life to play small and construct a negative self-talk dialog of fear that looked and sounded just like her. This record consisted of telling myself that I was stupid, fat and ugly. I was incapable of doing anything praiseworthy, and if I did I shouldn't expect anyone to notice. I used this as an excuse to keep myself from most of my dreams, and I used her as the reason my life was not what I wanted it to be.

After my dad died when I was 16, my mom started to make changes in her life. She sought therapy and asked for help. She did the work to change herself. Did it happen overnight? Oh no, not at all. It has been an ongoing process for her for the last 22 years or so. She now has taught me that someone can change. Someone can learn from their mistakes, and at any age change their behavior dramatically. This is what I have actually learned from my mom. Even from a small girl I have felt that my mom could do anything. She seemed capable of leaping small buildings if she needed to. I still have this opinion of my mom. She has a great confidence in herself. Now though it comes from a place of compassion and self-love.

I think often as children we take lessons away from situations that the adults or even other children involved never intended us to. My challenge is to reassess those stories that we remember from our childhood of disappointment and see if there is another way of looking at them. Did our parent give up on us, or give up on themselves and their ability to parent us effectively? Did that child reject us, or were they dealing with their own pain of a situation we never knew about? Did we not get the part in the school play because we were second best, or did the director really think we would have more fun or were better suited for another role? Whatever you have been holding on to and using as an excuse to play small or think you can't have your dreams, let it go! Let go of the limiting beliefs; let go of perfection; let go of the evidence of you being anything else than amazing; let go of what you thought were the motives of others. Live your life from a clean slate. Learn from my mom. You can change at any age and from any place in your life. Let go of the negative self-talk. Replace it with the truth: you are amazing, you are capable, you are beautiful, you are worthy of your dreams. If you need a voice in your head, use mine. I will tell you every day, You are a Rock Star!

As someone who is trained in helping others overcome their fears, I have worked with people who are wanting to change their choices. My mother has worked hard, and she has changed. I have a very different understanding of who she was when I was young. I see who she is now, and I can appreciate the effort it has taken her. This effort gives me hope to continue in my own effort to become a better mother myself. Each day I try to be better, and I know I can. Every time that I say something that wasn't nice, I know I can apologize. Every time I don't show up the way I want to, I know I can tomorrow. Every time I'm scared and my fear is "in my face," I know that I am capable.

The new voice in my head is a combination of myself and my mom and Rhonda Britten and other people who believe in me. I choose now to believe the good about myself. I choose to build evidence of all the things I'm good at. I choose to believe I am worthy of my dreams and living big. I choose to let go of all the limiting beliefs of my childhood and see myself in my truth. I choose to trust myself and see my capabilities. I choose to love myself. I choose to tell myself the truth. I choose to be a Rock Star!

Are you ready to hatch into a Rock Star? Email me, and let's get started. Let's Hatch!